Initial thoughts

First and foremost, I am and will always be Ellison's mother. My love for her will never lessen over time, and the scab on my heart will constantly be ripped off even by the slightest little thing. The only other truth that I know at this point is that who I was died on February 1st around 3:30 pm when I found out that Ellie's heart was no longer beating. I will never be the same person that I was, and I realize this.

I had actually already written a really long story about Ellison and her life, but it somehow got erased.  Figures.  I would re-do it now, but I simply don't have the energy tonight.  As a new friend of mine who I've been connected to through this awful fate told me today - there's usually only enough energy in the day right now to complete one task or activity, and I'm finding this to be true.  Grieving is exhausting, but necessary.

Since I have yet to be able to carry on a conversation with friends and loved ones yet about what has happened, I figured I would start writing down my thoughts so that you all would know.  As soon as I find the energy tomorrow, I will continue to write Ellison's story.