Colorblind

So I know I've admitted this before, but I actually do watch Glee.  I love music and the show has introduced me to new songs and styles of music that I may not have discovered on my own.  Yes the story lines can be a bit over the top, but really, life can be a bit over the top anyways.  Anyways, last night one of the actors sang her own new song.  I found myself sitting there listening to the lyrics and they were spot on.  I immediately scoured the internet looking for that song by Amber Riley called "Colorblind."  Here are some of the lyrics that I identified the most with:

When the world is seeing yellow
I only see gray
When everybody sees the rainbow
I’m stuck in the rain...

You know I used to paint such vibrant dreams
Now I’m colorblind colorblind
When did my heart
Get so full of the never mind never mind
Did you know
That you stole the only thing I needed
Only black and white in my eyes
I’m colorblind....

 

I’ll wait
For roses to be red again
And I hate
That you took my blue from the ocean
Give me back green greens and goldens
My purples my blues you sold them
How long will I be broken...

 

To me, this explains what nature has taken from me when it took Ellison.  It's hard to put into words but I just feel betrayed by nature.  You're supposed to trust that everything will always be OK and flow naturally, and when it doesn't, your fundamental views of the world get completely shaken up and your world turns upside down.  It's like that other, more famous, "Colorblind" song by Counting Crows said: "I am covered in skin, No one gets to come in, Pull me out from inside, I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding, I am colorblind."  Suddenly, it's like these songs say, you come unfolded and undone, or colorblind in a metaphorical sense. 

 

And maybe in time the roses will be red again.  You really do want the naive views you held before to come back because you could trust things then - life was simpler because nature had your back.  I'm waiting for nature to have my back instead of turning its back on me like it did when Ellison was taken.  I don't want to be colorblind or undone, but I'm still broken and slowly working on becoming less broken.