Say

After work I decided that I needed to cut the grass.  Yes, I often cut the grass.  It's not the most fun thing in the world to do, but it's not the worst either.  I'd rather mow than iron.  Strange, I know.  I like to plug my earphones in and just listen to music as I mow along, and then when I am done I like to marvel at how great the yard looks.   I make Doug do this marveling with me.

While I was zigzaging along, a song by Sara Bareilles came on.  I am sure most of you have heard it on the radio - it's called "Brave."  It talks about saying what you want to say, and basically just standing up for yourself and not being ashamed of doing that.  Here are some of the lyrics:

"Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?"

Sometimes I really would like to say exactly what is running through my head.  But I hold it back because it's either too angry, or too sad, or just plain depressing, or simply not appropriate to tell to the average person, or stranger, that I encounter.  I let most of the words out on here, but not usually in the course of my actual physical conversations with people.  Some people I'd like to just tell off every once in awhile and usually for random things, but I don't find that to be "brave."  Sometimes being the bigger, or stronger, person during the course of the conversation is the most brave thing one can do.  Even refraining from commenting on something when you really want to is a brave accomplishment.  There's always another way to spread your message, and it's often more positive than a rash reaction.

So I think when I hear this song it reminds me to continue to say my words on here and spread the truth of my experiences.  It may not be the best to do so in person, but here I will make sure I am never silent and the words will fall out.  It's good to have an outlet, and this I find to be the most productive.  Maybe one day I will be more brave and be able to let my words fall out, in a positive way, in front of people.  But I'm just not there yet.