My parents, Doug, and I all went up to Charlottesville today to watch the football team's annual Spring Game - the Orange and Blue scrimmage. The weather was nice, and we were invited to a free cookout beforehand to honor our perfect attendance at the home football games last season. I had made it to all the games, both the brutally hot and quite frigid games (except for one when we travelled to Georgia for Doug's Grandma's 90th birthday), last season while being pregnant. I guess that shows my dedication.
I had mixed emotions as to how going to this would make me feel. I was very much looking forward to Ellie coming to a few games with us in the fall. I am sad knowing that I won't be able to share these experiences with her. But it was quite hot today sitting in those bleachers and I remembered thinking to myself that I certainly wouldn't have brought her with us. She would only have been close to 8 weeks old and it was way too warm for her to be out in the sun for the game.
It's funny how as I go along, I often think to myself about what I would and wouldn't be doing with her in various situations. It's almost like I'm "mothering" someone that isn't even here. I suppose it's just an instinct I'll always have regardless if she's here to see it or not. But instead of "mothering" her today, I was at a spring football game with a painted stone in my pocket with an orange and blue "E" painted in the middle of it. Besides my necklace, ring, and bracelet that I wear, it's the only physical object I could take with me to make me feel like she was there and a part of the experience. I kept that stone in my pocket the whole time. Now let's just hope it is a lucky stone that brings the team more wins than it did last year.
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