My post will be short tonight. Doug and I spent the evening babysitting my niece. She sure is a crazy, beautiful handful and I love every minute of it. As I was watching her wrestle and climb all over Doug like a jungle gym, I was a little bit sad but yet had a small glimmer of hope thrown in there.
I was sad thinking that Ellie would never get to do that with her Dad like Natalie was doing with her uncle. But then I also thought how nice it would be to one day give Ellie a brother or sister and know that she was watching from her little slice of heaven as he or she wrestled with Doug. I sometimes feel guilty for thinking these types of thoughts because I don't want for others to think that I am trying to replace Ellie or move on (which will never truly happen because I literally miss her all the time) but every now and then I get a glimpse of a future with new hopes and dreams in it. It feels happy and sad all rolled into one but it does give me a glimpse into a world of "what can be." And though I'll still feel my "what should have been," it's nice to know that the possibility of a "what can be" does exist in my new normal reality. And it's nice to see a little glimmer of it every now and then as I navigate my way through each new day.
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