Unlucky

Sometimes it seems that I just have the worst luck in the world.  Even when things start to make it seem that our luck has changed, the unluckiness just swoops right in takes it away.  After such a long journey to even have Ellison, we finally made it past the first trimester only to have our hearts cut right out from under us in the third trimester.  I wonder if I'll ever be able to focus on the lucky when I'm always expecting the unlucky. 

They say when it rains, it pours.  Or as Mark Twain put it, "When ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, but in showers."  With all of these negative occurrences that keep happening, I think my biggest challenge will be trying to accept the possibility that we might actually have our luck turn the tide one of these days.  It will difficult trying to convince myself that the other shoe is not going to drop and that we will finally get our happy ending. 

How can you believe that the sun will come out tomorrow when all you see is rain?  Doug is constantly telling me that I have to believe our luck will change for it to actually change.  I fear that he is right (I hate it when he's right..haha).  Now I just have to figure out how to make myself believe it.  Somedays it seems like I can, and then somedays it seems like that is the most impossible thing to believe in when all I have to compare it to is the past.  As I go through this journey, this is by far the hardest part - trying to find positivity in a field of negativity.  I pray each day that I can find this positive way of thinking and that the luck finds us again.  It's hard having to fight this battle amongst all the other ones...it's quite exhausting actually.  I believe I am the hardest enemy I'll ever have to face.