Thursday, March 20, 2014

One Month

As I was watching the news this afternoon I realized it was supposed to be the "International Day of Happiness" to mark the start of the spring season.  And as much as I love the springtime, somehow I just don't seem that happy about this occasion.  Ellison's not here to celebrate this and be happy, and I don't much feel like celebrating anything these days because she's not here with me.  Maybe by this time next year I'll start getting back to feeling more happiness and perhaps it will increase each year as we welcome spring, but right now I'm just not feeling it..

I did not bring this up on Tuesday - or March 18th - but it would have been Ellison's one month birthday. It's hard to believe that we should have had a one month old right now but instead we just had to watch the date come and go without our little girl here to enjoy it. I was too busy trying to cope with my issues at work to really grasp this concept and talk about it the other night. I'm sure I'll know at all times exactly how old she would have been...

Doug was really supportive on Tuesday after my "terrible, awful" day at work and he had to hear me let out all of my emotions as I brought up the fact that Ellison would have been one month old.  I just broke down and he just hugged me tight telling me that it would all be OK.  His words of encouragement reminded me of a John Lennon quote. "Everything will be okay in the end.  If it's not okay, then it's not the end." 

While everything does not seem OK now, it just means that it's not the end.  There's got to be something positive coming on the horizon.  I keep finding myself staring out the windows looking for what it may be...

I'll end by saying that on Tuesday night after my cry session with Doug I watched Glee.  There was a cover of a song called "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne in the show that seems to fit the topic.  On this International Day of Happiness, I'm sitting here singing this in my head...

"You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

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