My Mom recently shared one of those internet pictures she had seen on one of her friend's Facebook page with me. The picture simply said, "May every sunrise hold more promise, and every sunset hold more peace." It struck a chord with me because I wish for both of these concepts to be true. I want each day to be a little bit better and I would like to find more peace during the night time - which is when I struggle the most.
Yesterday I shared about my shopping trip for new clothes that fit me. Well, my Mom and I also went clothes shopping for Natalie. She is hard to shop for because she is so tall for her age, yet so skinny, that it's hard to find something that fits right. But we wanted to try - I always love being able to find cute outfits for my niece. I even honed in on a shirt that said "You are my Sunshine" with cute pictures on it. Of course, I had to get that for Natalie. As we meandered around the children's section, I found myself looking at all of those cute little shirts they make for little girls and thinking that Ellie would have looked adorable in them. Shopping for Natalie which used to be so easy for me to do had become difficult. It was a tough realization to face knowing that I would never be able to get these cute outfits for Ellie. All in all, yesterday was just a tough day.
But as I awoke this morning, I thought to myself "I hope this day holds more promise." And surprisingly it did. I caught up with my boss for lunch - a sort of 'dip my toes back in the water' lunch meeting - since I'm due to start back to work on Monday for the first time in about 3 months. It went well, and put me somewhat more at ease with this prospect of facing my job after all that has happened. Then, my Mom came over and helped me paint the ceiling trim in a room I want to get painted before I return to work. We had nice conversations, and it was good to spend time with her, despite the fact that painting is not one of the most enjoyable tasks in the world. It was hard work for me to roll the ceiling - it was tough on my body. But I'm glad I accomplished this task, a little victory for me.
Then, as my Mom was leaving, I went to the mailbox to retrieve the mail that had just been delivered. There was a package that was stuffed inside. I opened it hastily because I had not been expecting anything. The packaged contained a beautiful ring with Ellison's birthstone, and hand stamped on the inside was "for ellison." A little note was attached to the box with a message from my dear friend saying that the ring was a token to help me "live for" Ellison. I immediately fell in love with this ring. It was such a thoughtful gesture from a friend that has been there for me since my college years and it just put a smile on my face as I looked down at it on my finger. As I've told her before, I sure am glad I drew her name for my roommate when a group of us went in on an apartment lease together for our second year at UVA. That twist of fate allowed me to gain a cherished friendship that has withstood the test of time and distance, and for that I'm blessed.
All of these events of the day have combined to show me that today has held more promise than yesterday. And hopefully that means that tonight will hold more peace. I know that not every day will necessarily be this good, especially as certain milestones approach (i.e. what would have been Ellie's 1 month birthday, or her actual due date), but maybe I'll be able to at least wish for more days that hold more promise than days that do not. Perhaps each sunset will also slowly bring me more peace as I continue on my "new normal" path.
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